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deeznutz1969 [userpic]

Argh Venting below

June 5th, 2011 (10:15 pm)

sigh bored tonight and it just dawned on me that I really need to redo my banner as my screen is now 1440 x 900 damn it looks funny up there.

Bored venting ahead ... oh look its a head


anyway crap day no internet something about a transformer blowing for all of today and part of yesterday sigh

I went nuts really I did and it made me wonder what the hell happened to me that I could not go a day with out the net of coarse it does not help I still have a hard time doing anything yes the leg is still numb and I walk weird still can not sit to log or stand its just hell trying to cook but at least my chair at the computer is comfy and I can recline on it.

so as of this moment and maybe the next 6 months I can only really hang out here in front of this damn thing GOD I HATE it I want to be able to go out and do stuff drive my car with out my leg going nuts you like take my dog for a flipping no wait this is my journal Fucking walk. But as it stands with next to no money (cant work I mean really tell me who would hire a person that can not sit for more then a hour stand for maybe 15 mins and god forbid I lay down for more then 15 mins or my back locks up , Yeah mornings are a bitch for me now Oh and lets not forget the debilitating migraines get twice a week now dear SSI admin tell who the fuck would hire me Huh?) so $250 a month to live on leaves me with nada cant go anywhere cant do anything moved in after the accident with my mother oh god help me I am at the point I want to kill her but if it wasnt for her I would be on the street and I hate that and the fact she holds that over my head almost everyday and she wonders why I hate her. I dont know but she really needs to see someone about here mental issues I mean she spends money on stupied crap doesnt pay bills then goes oh god they are turning off ... whatever it is this month cause she just had to buy that 5th bread maker nad I am like WTH I have $250 what am I suppiose to do....than k god I have a few friends that "Loan" me money for a few of my meds ( just so you know the 2 people I do this for one has cancer and the Doc is afraid of her getting addicted its fucking termainal cancer asshole who cares and the other blew 3 disc in his back and has no insurance so I know its wrong but I need to live to) All I know is I do not want to keep taking these pills anymore but I do not want to feel the pain My doc talked to me about Medical MJ but I am like $75 I cant do it not till I get my SSI and then I am Like fuck it I am heading to Hawaii so I will do it there and I already have a supplier there lol

so yeah venting just tired of hurting tired of these headaches the stress and the fact that SSI even after proof that my back is bad is still having me go to the appeals court date and I am like HOW I can't drive that far god damn assholes and I hope the fucker illegal that hit me rots in hell for this shit you know he only served a year in jail (for mangling me and killing my friend) and they shipped his ass back to mexico Sigh

well hopefully before the summer is out I will have got my SSI and one stress will be gone any way sorry for the vent .... ok not sorry thats why this is here VENTING !!!!!

well Good night all